Blog Posts in 2011

  • IMPACT OF GASLIGHTING

    The impact of repeated, subtle power manipulations causes significant self-doubt. After a while, people who experience that kind of emotional trauma react as if they have been traumatized. They do become sensitivento any kind of comments that causes self-doubt to an already fragile emotionalbstructure. They do act in a defensivebmanner, far out of proportion to the original comment. And the ...
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  • Gaslighting Part 1

    Every once in a while, I come across an article, and I immediately recognize the issue as one that comes up frequently in a divorce context. I came across such an article by Yashar Ali titled “A Message to Women from A Man: You Are Not Crazy”. In the article, Ali describes a scenario in which a man will tell a woman that she is too sensitive, or that she is crazy, or that she doesn’t remember ...
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  • The Art of Nonengaging

    As a general philosophy, I am a believer in being direct in your communications. I don’t mean the rude “I don’t want to hurt your feelings but your casserole tastes like dog food” which of course is meant to be rude, regardless of the disclaimer. I mean being clear in your communication, such as looking someone in the eye, and telling them “You are unlikely to be allowed to move to another state ...
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  • Emails, texts and social networking

    Even those of us who are in the over 40 age category have latched onto electronic communications. We go on vacation and keep up with what’s happening at home through Facebook, and let everyone know every stop that we are making along the way. And text messages — they are so easy, and a great way to make a really pithy comment when you are thinking about it. This new ease of communication should ...
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  • High Conflict Personalities

    We all know people that seem to thrive on pushing everything to the next level. Some people would rather be a big part of the problem than a small part of the solution. If you are going through a divorce, every interaction with your spouse may seem to be a conflict, and you may regard those confrontations as high conflict. (See http://www.custodyevaluationsbook.com for more information about Rose ...
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  • Divorce Traumas

    I have often thought that there should a mental health category called traumatic divorce syndrome. Divorce does not have to be traumatic, but there are losses that disrupt much of what we all value as as part of our family lives. Here are what I hear from clients as the top five things that cause emotional trauma and distress. 1. Sudden move out without notice. You go to work just as you do every ...
    Continue Reading
  • Emails, texts and social networking

    Even those of us who are in the over 40 age category have latched onto electronic communications. We go on vacation and keep up with what’s happening at home through Facebook, and let everyone know every stop that we are making along the way. And text messages — they are so easy, and a great way to make a really pithy comment when you are thinking about it. This new ease of communication should ...
    Continue Reading
  • High Conflict Personalities

    We all know people that seem to thrive on pushing everything to the next level. Some people would rather be a big part of the problem than a small part of the solution. If you are going through a divorce, every interaction with your spouse may seem to be a conflict, and you may regard those confrontations as high conflict. (See http://www.custodyevaluationsbook.com for more information about Rose ...
    Continue Reading
  • How do I tell my child?

    When you are in the process of physically separating, and legally divorcing, you have a hard time telling your close friends, your family and other people that might need to know about what is happening in your life. It’s even harder to tell your children in a way that makes sense to them, doesn’t overly traumatize them, and hopefully allows them to process the information in a way that keeps ...
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  • What does it mean to "have custody"?

    “Custody” is one of those words that is highly emotionally charged. You hear from your friends that he “won” custody, or she “lost” custody. What does “custody” really mean? There two basic forms of legal custody. Legal custody doesn’t mean where the kids spend the night or their time, it means who has the right to make certain legal decisions for the children. If you have sole legal custody, then ...
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  • Audio and Video Recordings in a Family Law Context

    You suspect your teenage son is buying illegal drugs, so you put a recording device on your home phone, to be able to monitor his calls without his consent. That’s okay, right? It’s for your son’s own good. But what if you want to record his cell phone calls, and you arrange with the cell phone company to record all of his conversations because after all, you pay for the phone, and it’s for his ...
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  • Estate Planning for the blended family

    Most of us know how important it is to have a will and an estate plan. If you have a “blended family” (i.e., children from a previous marriage), estate planning takes on added importance. The following tips will help make the planning process a little easier. Assess your needs Sit down with your current spouse and discuss what you want to accomplish. Make an inventory of each spouse’s assets and ...
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  • Divorce Traumas

    I have often thought that there should a mental health category called traumatic divorce syndrome. Divorce does not have to be traumatic, but there are losses that disrupt much of what we all value as as part of our family lives. Here are what I hear from clients as the top five things that cause emotional trauma and distress. 1. Sudden move out without notice. You go to work just as you do every ...
    Continue Reading
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