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  • Anger In the Midst of Divorce

    It is an often repeated phrase that everybody goes temporarily insane when they get divorce. Calm rational people who in normal circumstances function in a reasonably competent matter suddenly have daily flashes of anger. Things that most people would be able to just let go become the “I have to assert my boundaries” and refuse to budge on picking up the kids at 5:45 pm rather than 6 pm. So what ...
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  • When Your Final Divorce Judgment Doesn't Finalize Your Mortgage Obligations

    It’s been months since you and your spouse moved into separate residences. Even more months have gone by while you went through the divorce process. You finally went to court, or made an agreement as to all of the details that you needed to make to hit the ground running to finally start leading your new life. Or did all of the details get covered? Your existing mortgage company is not necessarily ...
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  • Spousal Support as Income for Home Loans

    By Arthur Saito Many clients come to us with questions regarding the purchase or refinance of a residential home. This is particularly true in the area of family law. Often, one spouse wants to retain the marital home, perhaps to keep the children in a stable environment or because it is a good investment. Sometimes they simply love the home. If spouses come to an agreement that one spouse will ...
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  • Stalking: It Isn't Just Strangers Ducking Into Dark Alleys

    When I hear the word “stalking” I immediately conjure up images of a stranger in a dark hat with a dark trench coat, hiding in the edge of a dark alley, watching the unsuspecting person, and following them with evil intent. Not so. Stalking in a dark alley, watching and following a person with evil intent may not be enough to get a stalking order. To obtain a stalking protective order, a ...
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  • Is Divorce the Right Option For You?

    Of the major life stressors, including death of a child, death of a spouse, loss of employment, divorce and major medical conditions, divorce usually ranks second or third. I have had many people tell me that they think divorce, particularly divorce when there are minor children, is more stressful than death of a family member. After all, death has finality, and with divorce, you have to keep ...
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  • DEFINING CHILD CUSTODY Part II

    Let’s look at each of the “major” decision areas, beginning with religion. For many parents, raising their children in their particular religious beliefs and practices is very important to them as parents. Their religious beliefs are fundamental to who they are, and they want their children to share in those beliefs. So, if you have legal custody, and you are a Protestant Christian, then you have ...
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  • SUPERVISED PARENTING TIME - Who needs that?

    Sometimes we all need a little help, and in a divorce context, sometimes that little bit of help means that someone is supervising the parenting time with your child and the other parent or maybe the only way you are able to see your child is if someone is supervising. What’s that all about? Supervised parenting time most often occurs when there has been an allegation of physical abuse of a child, ...
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  • MOVING AWAY MOVING ON WITH CHILDREN

    Your divorce is finally over. You and your ex-spouse have a parenting plan that allows your children to have significant time with both parents, and your children have adjusted well to the schedule. You are the primary parent, but the other parent has every other weekend, one overnight in the midweek, and half of the weeks in the summer. Life is good. You move on with your life as a single parent. ...
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  • INTERNATIONAL CUSTODY DISPUTES

    Custody disputes, when they are in a single case, in a single jurisdiction, are complicated. At the end of a dispute, there is a judgment, which defines what parenting time will be for each parent, and who has decision making authority, which is the essence of what having “custody” means. Having decision making authority does not mean that authority is absolute. It does not mean that you have the ...
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  • Domestic Violence, Dementia and Aging

    Imagine that you are talking to your neighbor. She is 80 years old, and is talking about her husband. “That John!” she says. “He keeps insisting that I had an affair 50 years ago with a man down the street when he would be away on business. I don’t know why he keeps saying that, it’s crazy!” Your neighbor describes how her husband came at her with a kitchen knife because he was so angry at her for ...
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  • WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU MEET A NARCISSIST IN THE EVERYDAY WORLD?

    So, how do you do a quick recognition of someone who has a personality disorder, rather than just someone who is having an issue in a very limited area of their life? Bill Eddy, in his book “It’s All YourFault ! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for Everything”, explains it like this. When someone with a personality disorder has a conflict or a problem, he gets M.A.D. – he has a ...
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  • The The Narcissist You Meet Every

    Books on narcissism, and the culture of narcissism are all around us. Every day we have many opportunities to promote ourselves on Facebook, Twitter. If you don’t like the price that you agreed to for your airline ticket, immediately Twitter about it, because the chances are reasonable that you will have an airline representative contacting you offering you money to stop putting negative comments ...
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  • PART III - GASLIGHTING IN A DIVORCE

    In a divorce, the shifting psychological dynamics come up in many ways. The most obvious is when child custody is strongly contested between the two parents. If there is an abusive relationship to begin with, or a relationship where there is not a balance of emotional power between the parties, then causing self-doubt in a person who already has self-doubt has obvious gains for the person making ...
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  • IMPACT OF GASLIGHTING

    The impact of repeated, subtle power manipulations causes significant self-doubt. After a while, people who experience that kind of emotional trauma react as if they have been traumatized. They do become sensitivento any kind of comments that causes self-doubt to an already fragile emotionalbstructure. They do act in a defensivebmanner, far out of proportion to the original comment. And the ...
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  • Gaslighting Part 1

    Every once in a while, I come across an article, and I immediately recognize the issue as one that comes up frequently in a divorce context. I came across such an article by Yashar Ali titled “A Message to Women from A Man: You Are Not Crazy”. In the article, Ali describes a scenario in which a man will tell a woman that she is too sensitive, or that she is crazy, or that she doesn’t remember ...
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